Hopeless. Lost. Misery. Pain.
These are the feelings I was living in. I woke up every morning, disappointed that I did not die in my sleep. Every day I wished that a car would hit me or I would have a heart attack, or something would happen so that I no longer had to suffer on this earth. I woke up every day feeling like this. I did even attempt suicide a few times which, I thank God today, were unsuccessful. Living in this suffering, to me, was the worst consequence of my addiction/alcoholism.